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        Finally, the truth. Lying with his face pressed into the dusty carpet of the office where he had once thought he was learning the secrets of victory, Harry understood at last that he was not supposed to survive. His job was to walk calmly into Death’s welcoming arms. Along the way, he was to dispose of Voldemort’s remaining links to life, so that when at last he flung himself across Voldemort’s path, and did not raise a wand to defend himself, the end would be clean, and the job that ought to have been done in Godric’s Hollow would be finished: Neither would live, neither could survive.

        終于,真相大白。哈利躺在辦公室的地上,臉貼著臟兮兮的地毯,他曾經以為他是在這里學習勝利的秘訣。哈利終于明白他是不能幸存的。他的任務就是平靜地走向死神張開的懷抱。在這條路上,他還要斬除伏地魔與生命的最后聯系。這樣,當他最終沖過去直面伏地魔,并且不用魔杖保護自己時,結局才會干凈徹底,早在戈德里克山谷就該完成的工作才會真正結束:誰也活不下來,誰也不能幸存。

        He felt his heart pounding fiercely in his chest. How strange that in his dread of death, it pumped all the harder, valiantly keeping him alive. But it would have to stop, and soon. Its beats were numbered. How many would there be time for, as he rose and walked through the castle for the last time, out into the grounds and into the forest?

        他感覺到心臟在胸腔里劇烈地跳動。多么奇怪啊,他懷著對死亡的恐懼,然而他的心臟卻跳得格外有力,勇敢地維持著他的生命。可是它不得不停止,而且很快就得停止。它跳動的次數不會太多了。當他站起身,最后一次穿越城堡,走過操場,進入禁林,這期間心臟還能跳多少次呢?

        Terror washed over him as he lay on the floor, with that funeral drum pounding inside him. Would it hurt to die? All those times he had thought that it was about to happen and escaped, he had never really thought of the thing itself: His will to live had always been so much stronger than his fear of death. Yet it did not occur to him now to try to escape, to outrun Voldemort. It was over, he knew it, and all that was left was the thing itself: dying.

        他躺在地板上,恐懼像潮水般襲來,葬禮的鼓聲在他內心咚咚敲響。死會疼嗎?多少次他以為死到臨頭而又僥幸逃脫,卻從未真正考慮過死亡本身。他對活的愿望總是比對死的恐懼要強烈得多。但現在他沒有想到要逃跑,要擺脫伏地魔的魔爪。他知道,一切都結束了,剩下來的只有一件事了:死。

        If he could only have died on that summer’s night when he had left number four, Privet Drive, for the last time, when the noble phoenix-feather wand had saved him! If he could only have died like Hedwig, so quickly he would not have known it had happened! Or if he could have launched himself in front of a wand to save someone he loved. . . . He envied even his parents’ deaths now. This cold-blooded walk to his own destruction would require a different kind of bravery. He felt his fingers trembling slightly and made an effort to control them, although no one could see him; the portraits on the walls were all empty.

        如果他在最后一次離開女貞路四號的那個夏夜里死去該有多好,但高貴的鳳凰羽毛魔杖救了他!如果他能像海德薇那樣死去該有多好,在不知不覺間突然斃命!或者,如果他能為了救自己心愛的人,奮不顧身地擋在魔杖前……此刻他甚至嫉妒父母的死了。這樣冷靜從容地走向自己的毀滅實在需要一種不同的勇氣。他感到自己的手指在微微顫抖,但他努力控制著,雖然并沒有人能看見,墻上的肖像都是空的。

        Slowly, very slowly, he sat up, and as he did so he felt more alive and more aware of his own living body than ever before. Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart? It would all be gone . . . or at least, he would be gone from it. His breath came slow and deep, and his mouth and throat were completely dry, but so were his eyes.

        慢慢地,很慢很慢的,他坐了起來,這時他比以前任何時候都更真切地感覺到自己活著,更清楚地意識到自己有生命的軀體。他以前怎么從未認識到自己是個多么了不起的奇跡:頭腦,神經,還有跳動的心臟?一切都將離開……至少,他將離這一切而去。他的呼吸緩慢、深重,嘴和喉嚨都十分干燥,但眼睛也是干的。

        Dumbledore’s betrayal was almost nothing. Of course there had been a bigger plan; Harry had simply been too foolish to see it, he realized that now. He had never questioned his own assumption that Dumbledore wanted him alive. Now he saw that his life span had always been determined by how long it took to eliminate all the Horcruxes. Dumbledore had passed the job of destroying them to him, and obediently he had continued to chip away at the bonds tying not only Voldemort, but himself, to life! How neat, how elegant, not to waste any more lives, but to give the dangerous task to the boy who had already been marked for slaughter, and whose death would not be a calamity, but another blow against Voldemort.

        鄧布利多的欺騙實在算不了什么。當然是有一個更大的計劃,只是哈利太愚蠢,沒有看到。他現在總算明白了。他一直想當然地從不懷疑鄧布利多希望他活著。現在他終于知道了,他生命的長短始終是由消滅所有魂器需要多少時間而決定的。鄧布利多把消滅魂器的任務交給了他,他也就順從地繼續削弱那根不僅連接著伏地魔的生命、也連接著他自己生命的紐帶!多么簡潔,多么干脆,別再浪費更多的生命,把這危險的任務交給一個注定該死的男孩,他的死不會是一種災難,而是對伏地魔的又一次打擊。

        And Dumbledore had known that Harry would not duck out, that he would keep going to the end, even though it was his end, because he had taken trouble to get to know him, hadn’t he? Dumbledore knew, as Voldemort knew, that Harry would not let anyone else die for him now that he had discovered it was in his power to stop it. The images of Fred, Lupin, and Tonks lying dead in the Great Hall forced their way back into his mind’s eye, and for a moment he could hardly breathe: Death was impatient. . . .

        鄧布利多知道哈利不會逃避,知道他會一直走到最后,盡管那是他的終結,因為鄧布利多曾經努力了解哈利。不是嗎?伏地魔知道,鄧布利多也知道,哈利一旦發現自己有力量阻止,就不會聽任別人為他去死。弗雷德、盧平和唐克斯的遺體躺在禮堂里的情景,又擠進哈利的腦海,令他一時簡直透不過氣來:死神迫不及待了……

        But Dumbledore had overestimated him. He had failed: The snake survived. One Horcrux remained to bind Voldemort to the earth, even after Harry had been killed. True, that would mean an easier job for somebody. He wondered who would do it. . . . Ron and Hermione would know what needed to be done, of course. . . . That would have been why Dumbledore wanted him to confide in two others . . . so that if he fulfilled his true destiny a little early, they could carry on. . . .

        但是鄧布利多把他估計得過高了。他失敗了,那條蛇還活著。即使哈利被殺死了,仍有一個魂器把伏地魔綁在塵世間。當然啦,那意味著別人會比較容易得手。誰會做這件事呢,他猜想著……羅恩和赫敏肯定知道需要做什么……因此鄧布利多才希望他把秘密透露給他們倆……這樣,如果他提早一點實現了他真正的宿命,他們可以繼續下去……

        Like rain on a cold window, these thoughts pattered against the hard surface of the incontrovertible truth, which was that he must die. I must die. It must end.

        像雨點打在冰冷的窗戶上,這些思緒紛亂地砸在那個硬邦邦的、不可否認的事實上,事實就是他必須死。我必須死。事情必須結束。

        Ron and Hermione seemed a long way away, in a far-off country; he felt as though he had parted from them long ago. There would be no good-byes and no explanations, he was determined of that. This was a journey they could not take together, and the attempts they would make to stop him would waste valuable time. He looked down at the battered gold watch he had received on his seventeenth birthday. Nearly half of the hour allotted by Voldemort for his surrender had elapsed.

        羅恩和赫敏似乎在很遠很遠的地方,在某個遙遠的國度。他覺得自己跟他們分開很久了。不要告別,也不要解釋,他已經拿定了主意。這是一段他們不能結伴同行的旅途,他倆會想方設法阻止他,那只會浪費寶貴的時間。他低頭看了看十七歲生日得到的那塊變了形的金表。伏地魔規定他投降的時間已經過去了近半個小時。

        He stood up. His heart was leaping against his ribs like a frantic bird. Perhaps it knew it had little time left, perhaps it was determined to fulfill a lifetime’s beats before the end. He did not look back as he closed the office door.

        哈利站了起來,心像一只瘋狂的小鳥,猛烈地撞擊著他的胸肋。也許它知道時間已經不多了,也許它決定在結束之前完成一生的跳動。哈利沒有回頭再看一眼,關上了辦公室的門。

        The castle was empty. He felt ghostly striding through it alone, as if he had already died. The portrait people were still missing from their frames; the whole place was eerily still, as if all its remaining lifeblood were concentrated in the Great Hall where the dead and the mourners were crammed.

        城堡里空蕩蕩的。他獨自大步行走著,感覺像個幽靈,仿佛自己已經死了。那些畫框里的肖像仍然空著,整個學校是一片詭異的死寂,似乎所有剩下來的生命都集中在了大禮堂,死者和哀悼者都擠在那里。

        Harry pulled the Invisibility Cloak over himself and descended through the floors, at last walking down the marble staircase into the entrance hall. Perhaps some tiny part of him hoped to be sensed, to be seen, to be stopped, but the Cloak was, as ever, impenetrable, perfect, and he reached the front doors easily.

        哈利把隱形衣披在身上,走下一層層樓,最后順著大理石樓梯來到門廳。也許,他內心某個小小的角落里希望有人感覺到他,看見他,阻攔他,但是隱形衣一如既往地完美、紋絲不漏,他很輕松地走到了門口。

        Then Neville nearly walked into him. He was one half of a pair that was carrying a body in from the grounds. Harry glanced down and felt another dull blow to his stomach: Colin Creevey, though underage, must have sneaked back just as Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle had done. He was tiny in death.

        突然,納威差點撞在他身上。納威和另一個人一起從操場上搬進一具尸體。哈利低頭一看,心頭又像是挨了一擊:科林·克里維。他還不夠年齡,肯定是像馬爾福、克拉布和高爾那樣偷偷溜回來的。死去的他顯得那么幼小。

        “You know what? I can manage him alone, Neville,” said Oliver Wood, and he heaved Colin over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift and carried him into the Great Hall.

        “聽我說,納威,我一個人搬得動他。”奧利弗·伍德說著,像消防隊員那樣把科林扛在肩膀上走進了禮堂。

        Neville leaned against the door frame for a moment and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He looked like an old man. Then he set off down the steps again into the darkness to recover more bodies.

        納威在門框上靠了一會兒,用手背擦了擦額頭上的汗。他看上去就像一個老人。然后他又走下臺階,到黑暗中去尋找別的尸體。

        Harry took one glance back at the entrance of the Great Hall. People were moving around, trying to comfort each other, drinking, kneeling beside the dead, but he could not see any of the people he loved, no hint of Hermione, Ron, Ginny, or any of the other Weasleys, no Luna. He felt he would have given all the time remaining to him for just one last look at them; but then, would he ever have the strength to stop looking? It was better like this.

        哈利最后看了一眼禮堂的入口。人們走來走去,互相安慰,喝東西,跪在死者身邊,但他看不見一個他所愛的人,沒有赫敏、羅恩、金妮和韋斯萊家的其他人,也沒有盧娜。他覺得愿意用剩下來的所有時間換取看他們最后一眼,可是,如果那樣的話,他是不是還有毅力把目光移開呢?還是這樣更好。

        He moved down the steps and out into the darkness. It was nearly four in the morning, and the deathly stillness of the grounds felt as though they were holding their breath, waiting to see whether he could do what he must.

        他走下臺階,來到外面的黑夜里。差不多凌晨四點了,死一般寂靜的操場似乎也屏住了呼吸,等著看他是否會做他必須要做的事情。

        Harry moved toward Neville, who was bending over another body.

        哈利朝俯身查看另一具尸體的納威走去。

        “Neville.”

        “納威。”

        “Blimey, Harry, you nearly gave me heart failure!”

        “天哪,哈利,你差點把我嚇死!”

        Harry had pulled off the Cloak: The idea had come to him out of nowhere, born out of a desire to make absolutely sure.

        哈利已經脫掉了隱形衣。這個念頭是突然冒出來的,因為他希望確保萬無一失。

        “Where are you going, alone?” Neville asked suspiciously.

        “你一個人要上哪兒去?”納威懷疑地問。

        “It’s all part of the plan,” said Harry. “There’s something I’ve got to do. Listen — Neville —”

        “這也是計劃的一部分,”哈利說道,“我要去做一件事。聽我說——納威——”

        “Harry!” Neville looked suddenly scared. “Harry, you’re not thinking of handing yourself over?”

        “哈利——”納威突然神色驚恐,說道,“哈利,你該不是想把自己交出去吧?”

        “No,” Harry lied easily. “ ’Course not . . . this is something else. But I might be out of sight for a while. You know Voldemort’s snake, Neville? He’s got a huge snake. . . . Calls it Nagini . . .”

        “不,”哈利語氣隨意地說了一個謊,“當然不是……是別的事情。但我可能要失蹤一段時間。納威,你知道伏地魔的蛇吧?他有一條特別大的蛇……叫作納吉尼……”

        “I’ve heard, yeah. . . . What about it?”

        “知道,聽說過……怎么啦?”

        “It’s got to be killed. Ron and Hermione know that, but just in case they —”

        “必須把它殺死。羅恩和赫敏知道,但萬一他們——”

        The awfulness of that possibility smothered him for a moment, made it impossible to keep talking. But he pulled himself together again: This was crucial, he must be like Dumbledore, keep a cool head, make sure there were backups, others to carry on. Dumbledore had died knowing that three people still knew about the Horcruxes; now Neville would take Harry’s place: There would still be three in the secret.

        這種可能性太可怕了,使他一時喘不上氣來,無法繼續往下說。但他重新振作起來——這是至關重要的,他必須像鄧布利多那樣保持頭腦冷靜,確保有人替補,有另外的人把任務執行下去。鄧布利多死的時候知道仍有三個人了解魂器的事,現在納威將取代哈利,這樣仍有三個人熟知內情。

        “Just in case they’re — busy — and you get the chance —”

        “萬一他們——很忙——而你又有機會——”

        “Kill the snake?”

        “把蛇殺死?”

        “Kill the snake,” Harry repeated.

        “把蛇殺死。”哈利重復了一遍。

        “All right, Harry. You’re okay, are you?”

        “好的,哈利。你沒事吧?”

        “I’m fine. Thanks, Neville.”

        “我很好。謝謝你,納威。”

        But Neville seized his wrist as Harry made to move on.

        哈利剛轉身要走,納威抓住了他的手腕。

        “We’re all going to keep fighting, Harry. You know that?”

        “我們都會堅持戰斗的,哈利。你知道嗎?”

        “Yeah, I —”

        “知道,我——”

        The suffocating feeling extinguished the end of the sentence; he could not go on. Neville did not seem to find it strange. He patted Harry on the shoulder, released him, and walked away to look for more bodies.

        窒息的感覺使后半句話哽在喉嚨里,他說不下去了。納威似乎并沒有察覺哈利的異樣。他拍拍哈利的肩膀,松開他,走開去尋找別的尸體了。

        Harry swung the Cloak back over himself and walked on. Someone else was moving not far away, stooping over another prone figure on the ground. He was feet away from her when he realized it was Ginny.

        哈利把隱形衣重新披在身上,繼續往前走。不遠處有人在動,在彎腰查看一個趴在地上的人影。相距幾步的時候,哈利認出那是金妮。

        He stopped in his tracks. She was crouching over a girl who was whispering for her mother.

        他猛地停住腳步。金妮俯身安慰著一個低聲呼喊媽媽的女孩。

        “It’s all right,” Ginny was saying. “It’s okay. We’re going to get you inside.”

        “沒事了,”金妮說,“不要緊的。我們這就把你抱進去。”

        “But I want to go home,” whispered the girl. “I don’t want to fight anymore!”

        “可是我想回家,”女孩低聲說,“我不想再戰斗了!”

        “I know,” said Ginny, and her voice broke. “It’s going to be all right.”

        “我知道,”金妮說著,聲音哽咽了,“會過去的。”

        Ripples of cold undulated over Harry’s skin. He wanted to shout out to the night, he wanted Ginny to know that he was there, he wanted her to know where he was going. He wanted to be stopped, to be dragged back, to be sent back home. . . .

        一波波寒意掠過哈利的皮膚。他想對著黑夜大喊,想讓金妮知道他在這里,他想讓金妮知道他要去哪兒。他想被人阻攔,被拽回去,被送回家……

        But he was home. Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here. . . .

        然而,他現在就在家里。霍格沃茨是他所知道的第一個家,最好的家。他、伏地魔和斯內普這些被遺棄的男孩,都在這里找到了家……

        Ginny was kneeling beside the injured girl now, holding her hand. With a huge effort Harry forced himself on. He thought he saw Ginny look around as he passed, and wondered whether she had sensed someone walking nearby, but he did not speak, and he did not look back.

        金妮此刻跪在那個受傷的女孩身邊,抓住了她的手。哈利以極大的毅力強迫自己往前走。他仿佛看見金妮在他經過時四下看了看,不知她是否感覺到有人在旁邊走過,但哈利沒有說話,也沒有回頭。

        Hagrid’s hut loomed out of the darkness. There were no lights, no sound of Fang scrabbling at the door, his bark booming in welcome. All those visits to Hagrid, and the gleam of the copper kettle on the fire, and rock cakes and giant grubs, and his great bearded face, and Ron vomiting slugs, and Hermione helping him save Norbert . . .

        海格的小屋在黑暗中浮現了。沒有燈光,也聽不見牙牙在門口抓撓、吠叫著表示歡迎的聲音。曾經那么多次來看望海格,爐火上閃閃發亮的銅壺,巖皮餅,巨蠐螬,還有海格那張碩大的、胡子拉碴的臉,羅恩吐出鼻涕蟲,赫敏幫助海格拯救諾伯……

        He moved on, and now he reached the edge of the forest, and he stopped.

        哈利繼續往前走,現在他已經來到森林邊緣。他停下了腳步。

        A swarm of dementors was gliding amongst the trees; he could feel their chill, and he was not sure he would be able to pass safely through it. He had no strength left for a Patronus. He could no longer control his own trembling. It was not, after all, so easy to die. Every second he breathed, the smell of the grass, the cool air on his face, was so precious: To think that people had years and years, time to waste, so much time it dragged, and he was clinging to each second. At the same time he thought that he would not be able to go on, and knew that he must. The long game was ended, the Snitch had been caught, it was time to leave the air. . . .

        一群攝魂怪在樹叢間游蕩,他感覺到它們的寒意,不知道自己能不能安全通過。他已經沒有力量召喚守護神了。他再也控制不住自己顫抖的身體。看來,死亡并非那么容易。他呼吸的每一秒鐘,青草的芳香,涼風拂過面頰的感覺,都是那么寶貴。想到別人還有許多許多年的光陰可以揮霍,時間多得簡直無以打發,而他,每一秒鐘都那么難以割舍。他認為自己無法再往前走了,同時又知道必須往前走。這場漫長的游戲結束了,金色飛賊已經抓住,應該離開空中了……

        The Snitch. His nerveless fingers fumbled for a moment with the pouch at his neck and he pulled it out.

        飛賊。他無力的手指在脖子上掛的皮袋里摸索了一會兒,把它掏了出來。

        I open at the close.

        我在結束時打開。

        Breathing fast and hard, he stared down at it. Now that he wanted time to move as slowly as possible, it seemed to have sped up, and understanding was coming so fast it seemed to have bypassed thought. This was the close. This was the moment.

        哈利低頭盯著飛賊,呼吸急促而粗重。現在他希望時間過得越慢越好,時間卻仿佛加快了速度,他好像是不假思索,便豁然開朗。這就是結束。是時候了。

        He pressed the golden metal to his lips and whispered, “I am about to die.”

        他把金色的金屬表面貼在唇上,輕聲說道:“我要死了。”

        The metal shell broke open. He lowered his shaking hand, raised Draco’s wand beneath the Cloak, and murmured, “Lumos.”

        金屬殼裂開了。哈利垂下顫抖的手,在隱形衣下舉起德拉科的魔杖,輕聲說了一句:“熒光閃爍。”

        The black stone with its jagged crack running down the center sat in the two halves of the Snitch. The Resurrection Stone had cracked down the vertical line representing the Elder Wand. The triangle and circle representing the Cloak and the stone were still discernible.

        裂為兩半的飛賊中,正是那塊中間有一道據齒狀裂縫的黑石頭。復活石上的裂縫沿著代表老魔杖的標志直直貫下,而代表隱形衣和石頭的三角和圓形依然清晰可辨。

        And again Harry understood without having to think. It did not matter about bringing them back, for he was about to join them. He was not really fetching them: They were fetching him.

        哈利又一次頓悟。讓死者復活已經不重要了,因為他就要成為他們中間的一員。其實,不是他在把他們叫來,而是他們在把他叫去。

        He closed his eyes and turned the stone over in his hand three times.

        他閉上眼睛,把石頭在手里轉了三次。

        He knew it had happened, because he heard slight movements around him that suggested frail bodies shifting their footing on the earthy, twig-strewn ground that marked the outer edge of the forest. He opened his eyes and looked around.

        他知道有結果了,因為他聽見周圍傳來了輕微的動靜,像是一些柔弱的身體在森林外圍樹枝散落的泥土上移動腳步。他睜開眼睛,環顧四周。

        They were neither ghost nor truly flesh, he could see that. They resembled most closely the Riddle that had escaped from the diary so long ago, and he had been memory made nearly solid. Less substantial than living bodies, but much more than ghosts, they moved toward him, and on each face, there was the same loving smile.

        他看出他們既不是幽靈,也不是有血有肉的活人。他們更像是很久以前從日記里逃出來的那個里德爾,即像幾乎變成實體的記憶。他們不像活人的身體那么實在,卻比幽靈真實得多。他們朝他走來,每張臉上都帶著那樣慈愛的笑容。

        James was exactly the same height as Harry. He was wearing the clothes in which he had died, and his hair was untidy and ruffled, and his glasses were a little lopsided, like Mr. Weasley’s.

        詹姆和哈利一樣高,穿著死去時的那身衣服,頭發亂糟糟的,眼鏡戴得有點歪,就像韋斯萊先生。

        Sirius was tall and handsome, and younger by far than Harry had seen him in life. He loped with an easy grace, his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face.

        小天狼星高大英俊,比哈利當初見到的活著的時候年輕得多。他步履輕松地慢慢走來,手插在口袋里,臉上笑容綻放。

        Lupin was younger too, and much less shabby, and his hair was thicker and darker. He looked happy to be back in this familiar place, scene of so many adolescent wanderings.

        盧平也年輕一些,不像后來那么邋遢,頭發也更黑更密。回到這個熟悉的地方,回到青春年少時曾多次游蕩的環境里,他顯得很高興。

        Lily’s smile was widest of all. She pushed her long hair back as she drew close to him, and her green eyes, so like his, searched his face hungrily, as though she would never be able to look at him enough.

        莉莉是他們中笑得最開心的。她把長長的秀發捋到腦后,走近哈利身邊,那雙與哈利一模一樣的綠眼睛,如饑似渴地端詳著哈利的臉,仿佛永遠也看不夠。

        “You’ve been so brave.”

        “你真勇敢。”

        He could not speak. His eyes feasted on her, and he thought that he would like to stand and look at her forever, and that would be enough.

        哈利說不出話來。他盡情地打量著母親,似乎愿意永遠站在這里看著她,他覺得這樣就夠了。

        圖片來源:高品圖像

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